One more thing...

Ok, I know I promised pics, but there's just one more thing... I started this blog in a different place and time, a different mind. I've talked a lot about love and the world and the wonder of it all, and I need to revisit that for a minute. I took a chance on my life and I think I won big... I look at where I am now versus a few years ago and it amazes me. I don't have any more money, I don't have any more fame or success (ok, if you've seen my crappy movie on cable you may disagree, but really...), but damn... I have a husband who takes care of me in every way possible. I have a beautiful child that amazes me every minute of every day, and we have been blessed with another, coming in just a few months. I look around me and want to cry all the time - and no, it's not the hormones. Ok, maybe it's the hormones. But damn, how often can you say you have everything you've ever wanted? No, we don't have a house or two cars or a big savings account. No, we don't know where we'll be in 5 years or how our lives will pan out. But we have love. Do I sound like a Hallmark card? Fuck off. I don't care. I never thought I'd have a partner who would be there for me in a marriage and as a parent, and believe me, that's huge. I don't know how I'd raise a child without David. There are millions and millions of people who raise children alone every day, and they have my utmost respect. I can't fathom it. I've always wanted to have children, but never imagined the love and pain and humility they would bring. I am responsible for this tiny being. What he eats, what he wears, what he's exposed and not exposed to. He is his own little person, but he depends on us to keep him safe.

Life is a journey, and it's gotten so interesting. It's so easy to get sidetracked with bills and cleaning and diapers and teething... but I have to tell you, I'm still amazed. I'm amazed by my beautiful husband who comes home from a hard night at work and still stays up with the cranky/vomity baby (and gets up throughout the night if necessary) so I can sleep. I'm amazed by my son, who after vomiting all over his bedroom at 2am, runs around giggling and "talking" a mile a minute. I'm amazed that the tiny bundle of cells that made me violently ill for weeks on end has somehow become a tiny person that kicks and turns and already has a personality, even though we won't see him until (hopefully) April (he also gives me horrible heartburn, but that's another story). I'm amazed to watch my little brother and his daughters... and my older brother and his almost-grown children. We've all come down our own roads... I know my mother is proud of all of us. I just wish I could tell her about all the amazing things I'm witness to every day. But I'm sure she knows. She's the one who made sure I knew to look out for them.

Love comes at you from out of the blue. Believe in it, trust it, know it's going to change your world and turn it upside down. It will take you in directions you never expected and never dreamed. It will bend you and twist you and make you learn more than you ever thought you would about yourself, if you're paying attention. It will break your heart every day and put it back together every night. It will lay you out naked on a slab, and you will be thankful. You will remember your past and acknowledge it as necessary to have brought you to this day.

Live it up and run naked in the rain, folks -- love is a warm blanket around your soul.

Am I hormonal? Possibly. But I'm in love, so who cares. ;)

Namaste...